Grrrr …

I’m in a really bad mood this morning because when our nanny came and put her arms out for Shea (like she always does) and I didn’t hand him over because I wanted to feed him first, he put his arms out to her and cried. This happened for the first time last week—although he didn’t cry last time, just put his hands out—it seriously bums me out. Our nanny generally only comes 2 3/4 days per week, but there are weeks when I have her come an extra half day (like today) because I’m behind on work. It’s SO hard trying to finish my book by October 15, getting a house ready to rent by Sept. 2 AND tutoring to spend all my time with him. I LOVE being with him—love going for walks and reading him stories and singing songs and practicing crawling and playing and tickling him, etc. etc.—and I don’t feel like I’ve “missed” anything because I’m with him in the morning and the late afternoon every day as well as all day Monday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday—plus I work at home on Friday, so I see him that day, too—but it still bums me out that he’s more attached to his nanny than to me. SERIOUSLY bums me out. In fact, last week after this happened I decided that today I’d spend all day with him and not do any work at all. But then I got behind over the weekend and the woman I’m nanny-sharing with this week needed to bring her daughter today, so I decided to go ahead and have our nanny come. Next Monday I need to just tell myself that no matter how far behind I am, TOO BAD, I’m spending the day with Shea. But it seems like even with three days a week (since I rarely do four), he’s become more attached to her. I’m happy that he likes her—truly!—but I want him to like me more! Doesn’t he understand that I’m the one who buys his food, clothes and diapers, does his laundry, feeds him in the night, gets him up in the morning, lugs him to swimming class and moms group and to the museum, steam train, little farm, etc? That I’m the one who buys him French books and writes in his baby book and gets photos taken of him and reads to him in French and buys him new toys and is going to take him to music class and story time every week? That I play with him every chance I get? I guess not. I guess all he cares about is who spends the most time with him. 😦

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Grrrr …

  1. Hi Dear Bustopher
    I am not a mommy, but I have hung out with enough friends who are mommies…and you are not alone. Sooo many of my friends who have nannies have gone through nearly this exact same thing. I am sure it totally sucks–but you are providing your child with tons of love, and multiple havens for that love (including your nanny).

    You have done well to pick a nanny who does well by Shea–and know that he does indeed love you most. My friends have gone through the bereft feeling of seeing their child reach for the arms of another…

    and seen their child return to their arms.

  2. Thanks, Jade! I hope you’re right! 🙂

  3. Btw, I had read the one before this one – i read this in detail today…

    Its just Shea’s way of saying “Hello, Dolores! I am with my mommy right, now! Look at her! Ain’t she cute?” You know, how celebrities wave both their arms at the press?

    Then, one of these days he will realize- “why am I using both my arms to say hello? I am going to use just one, and save my energy to crawl more and more and more and more!”

    C’est tout!

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