Monthly Archives: July 2008

Fuck my life!

My nieces’ and nephews’ statuses on Facebook are always so dramatic! “Fuck my life!” “No matter how much I try, it still hurts,” etc. etc. Was I like that when I was in high school/college? No my life is so boring: “M- is tired,” “M- is writing,” “M- is changing her fourth poopy diaper today.”


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This is Gonna Hurt

I hired a motivational coach this morning, the one I took the seminar from last year. I feel like I don’t have anyone in my life who’s pushing me to get my book done right now. The members of my goals group have been slacking—not showing up to meetings and not setting goals. Same with my writers group—not many people coming or turning in chapters (every meeting it’s me and one other person up for critique). My writing partner isn’t writing much, and I have 500 other things to keep me distracted. So I hired the coach. And she’s tough (her name is Martha Borst if you’re wondering.) So now I have goals that I can’t slack on because she’ll open up a can of whoop ass on me if I do. Or she’ll refuse to work with me. That’s what she said. When I told her my goal was to finish my book ASAP, like end of September, she said I needed to quit focusing on finishing it and focus on working on it instead. Otherwise I’ll write a crappy book. And with the attitude of wanting to be done with it instead of wanting to be working on it, I won’t enjoy working on it. And I’ll write a crappy book. She said to make my goal to finish this DRAFT with the understanding that it may need more work after that (Oh God, please no!) and she convinced me to give myself until October 15 to have a more realistic deadline. And I agreed to a bunch of other things that sound un-fun, but will help me get it done, like:

1. Get up at 7 a.m. on my work days and run, shower, eat breakfast BEFORE Shea wakes up at 8 (this means going to bed earlier).

2. Have laptop, etc. packed the night before (This means no checking e-mail in the morning).

3. Get out of the house within 15 minutes after the nanny arrives (Gulp. It usually takes me two hours).

4. Take 15 minute lunches (Gulp. This means eating at my desk.)

5. Write for FIVE hours of the five hours and forty-five minutes I’m at the office (Double gulp. This means no e-mail, no Internet, no talking to friends, just eat, pump, pee and write.)

6. Write three hours on Fridays, my work-from-home day (That’s reasonable).

7. Complete revisions of all chapters I’ve submitted to my writers group by next Friday (Gulp).

8. After that, revise two chapters a week, plus additional revisions to chapters given to my group.

9. This doesn’t include writing book reviews. Work extra hours at night if I have to.

10. Complete third draft—this is non-negotiable—by October 15. Then regroup.



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Too much to do in too little time

I’ve been trudging along very slowly on my book these past two weeks. Last week I wrote almost nothing at all. I spent most of my nanny time doing other things, like paying bills and doing laundry. I needed to do some things for myself – go running, do yoga and read. I’ve been doing those three things and it feels good, but I’m also anxious to get back to work. Yesterday and today I tried gluing myself to the chair, turning off e-mail and doing nothing but writing for three straight hours. Yesterday I lasted 37 minutes. Today I didn’t even last that long. I feel a weird sense of calm mixed with an overwhelming sense of having TOO MUCH TO DO. I feel behind on everything and yet know that none of those things are urgent. Here’s my list of things I’ve behind on:

1. Reading the baby sign book
2. Writing in Shea’s baby book
3. Organizing vacation photos
4. Writing thank you cards
5. Childproofing
6. Reading (and yet I’m reading more than I’m doing a lot of other things right now)
7. Revising chapters
8. Going to Brushstrokes to finish the plaques of Shea’s foot prints that I started two months ago
9. A bunch of other “busy” things, like balancing checkbook, ordering light-blocking shades, buying a neck brace, changing doctor appt, changing long distance phone plan, etc, etc.

Okay, so what HAVE I been doing?
1. Attempting to write
2. Reading Stumbling on Happiness
3. Laundry, dishes, general house stuff
4. Taking care of Shea
5. Buying and making my own baby food – zucchini, yams, applesauce with cinnamon, soy beans, tofu, mango, peaches, etc.
6. Running, yoga
7. Some tutoring
8. Some errands
9. Some childproofing

I’m tired just thinking about it all.

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I heard two gunshots on our block-long street about half an hour ago. Called the police. Someone else had just called, so they sent someone over. I went out and talked to the cop, but I don’t think there’s much he can do. A car had sped away afterward (and then another car, unless it was the same one twice), but no one saw it/them. I was too afraid to go outside to look. Hopefully just some kids screwing around.

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It will be a while before I have time to cull through these photos for the good ones, but for now here are 1100 (gulp) photos we took during our vacation to Michigan. It’s easy to click through pages if you have the time.

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Shea is at such a cute stage right now. He has two teeth halfway in, he’s sitting up and he’s laughing more and more. I used to have to tickle him to get him to laugh, but this week he’s been laughing spontaneously for really silly reasons. I’ll have him in the Bjorn and bend over and he’ll start laughing, or he’ll drop his ball and I’ll give it back to him and he’ll laugh. Today I sat him up on the bed and he fell back on the pillow and started laughing. So cute! And he’s eating bananas now and puréed (yum!) turkey. Also peas, green beans, peaches, mangos, blueberries, apples, pears, yams, sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, potatoes and corn from baby food jars. I’m working on making him more homemade food – zucchini and apples, beans and yogurt. And we’ve been trying to teach him to crawl. He can scoot and little and he can stand on his hand and knees, but hasn’t put those two together yet. He’s getting big! About 18 pounds now. I’ve started carrying him in the Ergo on my back because he’s a bit too heavy for the Bjorn now (at least for my shoulders to withstand him.)

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Writing, etc.

I’m having a hard time getting back to work on my book. I always have a hard transitioning after vacation. I started reading a good book, though, which is motivating me. (It’s called The Good Thief and it’s not out yet.) And I did get an hour and a half of writing done today.

I’m blogging so much tonight, by the way, because I took two Excedrin migraine pills and they have caffeine in them. I’m really sensitive to caffeine. I need a time release capsule on my blog posts so you can read them over the next two weeks.

I had bad headaches today, by the way, because that fun thing that comes every month for women just started for the first time in a year and a half. It was fun being a man for a while. I’ve felt sick to my stomach, moody and achy for several days now.

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