Even my maternity clothes are too tight!
This sounds like the sequel to 9 1/2 weeks, and I guess if Hollywood movies wer realistic, it would be. I’m due in two days! I have been running errands and doing “chores” nonstop, except for a break to read a book, which was nice. I have stopped writing, though, and put my two hours/day goal aside for now. It was getting me too stressed out, and I knew that when I whacked my elbow on a bundle of wood (in my car) and burst out crying last week.
People keep asking me if I’m scared to go into labor. Others keep telling me (over and over) that they hope I’ve banked some sleep because I’m going to need it. I’m not afraid of labor at all. If it gets really bad, I’ll get an epidural. But what does scare me is sleep deprivation. The two things in life that make me really cranky are hunger and sleep deprivation. I can handle everything else, but when I’m really tired, everything and everyone start to annoy me. I’ve been told that I’ll be too excited to notice how tired I am in the beginning, and I hope that’s true. I hope it will be like my last week of grad school when I pulled three all-nighters (two in a row) to finish a book binding project, but felt great the whole time because I was enjoying the work so much.
I tutored last night and was planning to tutor this afternoon, but got so tired after running errands that I came home and slept all afternoon instead. If I haven’t delivered by Monday, I may tutor one more student who lives near my house, but otherwise I’m on vacation now. Well, almost. I still have a book review to finish, which I’m hoping to turn in tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like the baby won’t be “real” until I can see him. Right now he’s just this mountainous blob beneath my skin, and I can go on with my life (minus climbing, which I haven’t done in FIVE months) much the way I did before. But all that is about to change—drastically. My other fear besides sleep deprivation is that I’ll have no time to write. My solution for that is to get a nanny three days a week once he’s three or four months old—two days to write and one day to do other things, like run errands and go to the gym. I’ll have to be more disciplined, though, and get four hours of writing done on those days instead of the two that I usually accomplish over the course of four or five hours (using my stop watch to count only the minutes I’m actually writing, and not the minutes I’m checking e-mail, playing Warfish, eating lunch, getting tea, etc.)
All I really feel like doing right now is reading and watching TV. We watch Heroes, and there’s just one more episode, and we watch Dexter—I’m not sure how many episodes are left—and we’re watching the previous season of The Office on DVD. I can’t wait until February when Lost is back on, and OMG I think season four of The Wire comes out on DVD NEXT WEEK. That’s perfect timing, right when Heroes is finished. For years I never watched TV, until my friend Whitney got me hooked on The Sopranos, Six Feet Under and Sex in the City. Before that I watched a lot more movies (especially when I lived in LA), but now I’m too tired to watch an entire movie at night, and prefer half-hour and one-hour episodes instead.
As for reading, I just finished A Thousand Splendid Suns. I love Khaled Hosseini’s books. I’m sure people have all kinds of negative things to say about them (lack of figurative language, somewhat predictable plot, etc.), but they’re good stories, and I much prefer a good story to a beautifully written book that lacks a plot. I just started another best seller (sometimes I get in a best seller mood, sometimes a classics mood, sometimes a little-known-authors mood)—Eat, Pray, Love—and I plan to read Water for Elephants, too, while I’m at it. I also discovered the Myths series by Canongate and am eager to gobble a couple of those up, too. I’ve read one (Boy Meets Girl by Ali Smith, which isn’t out yet), and I checked three more out of the library today. Mythology is something I’ve always wished I’d taken in high school. So much good sex and violence, and I missed out on it all.
One last thing I’m really enjoying these days is our weather—cool 60s but sunny and blue. With my extra pregnancy weight I haven’t needed a jacket during the day for the past two weeks. I’ve been on several beautiful long walks (four miles last Sunday), and I’m going to miss them once the rain starts.
It may be a while before I can blog much again, but I’ll try to drop in now and then with brief updates and photos. I’ll be one of those moms who posts a picture of everything her baby does, so be prepared.